[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
sales boomed, and P. Edward Pollyglow bought a small European nation which,
after evicting the inhabitants, he turned into an eighteen-hole golf course.
Congressman Borax, facing certain defeat, began to get hysterical. Gone was
the crinkly smile, gone the glow from that sweet, smooth-shaven face. He began
to make reckless charges. He charged corruption. He charged malfeasance, he
charged trea-son, murder, blackmail, piracy, simony, forgery, kidnapping,
barratry, attempted rape, mental cruelty, indecent exposure, and subornation
of perjury.
And one night, during a televised debate, he went too far.
Shepherd Leonidas Mibs had endured displacement as Leader of the Movement far
too long for a man of his temperament. He was the position at the rear of the
platform, at the bottom of the front page, as an alternative speaker to
Hellfire Henry. He burned with rebellion.
He tried to form a new secessionist group, Masculinists Anonymous. Members
would be vowed to strict celibacy and have nothing to do with women beyond the
indirect requirements of artificial insemination. Under the absolute rule of
Mibs as Grand Master, they would concentrate on the nationwide secret sabotage
of Mother's Day, the planting of time bombs in marriage license bureaus, and
sudden, night-time raids on sexually nonsegregated organizations such as the
P.T.A.
This dream might have radically altered future Masculinist history.
Unfortunately, one of Mibs's trusted lieutenants sold out to Dorselblad in
return for the cigar-stand concession at all national conventions. Old Shep
emerged white of lip from an interview with Hank the Tank. He passed the word,
and Masculinists Anonymous was dissolved.
But he continued to mutter, to wait. And during the next-to-last television
de-bate when Congressman Borax rose in desperate rebuttal to Clarissima
Strunt Shepherd Mibs at last came into his own.
The videotape recording of the historic debate was destroyed in the mad
Election Day riots two weeks later. It is therefore impossible at this late
date to reconstruct precisely what Borax replied to Mrs. Strunt's accusation
that he was the tool of "the Wall Street women and Park Avenue parlor
feminists."
All accounts agree that he began by shouting, "And your friends, Clarissima
Strunt, your friends are led by "
But what did he say next?
Did he say, as Mibs claimed," an ex-bankrupt, an ex-convict, and an
ex-homo-sexual"?
Did he say, as several newspapers reported," an ex-bankrupt, an ex-convict,
and an ex-heterosexual"?
Or did he say, as Borax himself insisted to his dying day, nothing more than
Page 14
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
" an ex-bankrupt, an ex-convict, and an ex-homo bestial"?
Whatever the precise wording, the first part of the charge indubitably
referred to P. Edward Pollyglow and the second to Henry Dorselblad. That left
the third epithet and Shepherd L. Mibs.
Newspapers from coast to coast carried the headline:
MIBS CLAIMS MORTAL INSULT
CHALLENGES BORAX TO DUEL
For a while, that is, for three or four editions, there was a sort of stunned
silence. America held its breath. Then:
DORSELBLAD DISPLEASED
URGES MIBS CALL IT OFF
And:
OLD PEP PLEADING WITH OLD SHEP
"DON'T DIRTY YOUR HANDS WITH HIM"
But:
MIBS IMMOVABLE
DEMANDS A DEATH
As well as:
CLARISSIMA STRUNT SAYS:
"THIS IS A MAN'S AFFAIR"
Meanwhile, from the other side, there was an uncertain, tentative approach to
the problem:
BORAX BARS DUEL
PROMISE TO MOTHER
This did not sit well with the new, duel-going public. There was another
approach:
CANDIDATE FOR CHIEF EXECUTIVE
CAN'T BREAK LAW, CLERGYMEN CRY
Since this too had little effect on the situation:
CONGRESSMAN OFFERS TO APOLOGIZE:
"DIDN'T SAY IT BUT WILL RETRACT"
Unfortunately:
SHEP CRIES "FOR SHAME!
BORAX MUST BATTLE ME
OR BEAR COWARD'S BRAND"
The candidate and his advisors, realizing there was no way out:
MIBS-BORAX DUEL SET FOR MONDAY
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP TO OFFICIATE
PRAY FOR ME, BORAX BEGS MOM:
YOUR DEAR BOY, ALIVE OR DEAD
Page 15
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
NOBEL PRIZE WINNER GETS NOD
AS BOUT'S ATTENDING SAWBONES
Borax and ten or twelve cigar-munching counselors locked themselves in a hotel
room and considered the matter from all possible angles. By this time, of
course, he and his staff only smoked cigars under conditions of the greatest
privacy. In public, they ate mints.
They had been given the choice of weapons, and a hard choice it was. The
Chicago Duel was dismissed as being essentially undignified and tending to
blur the Presi-dential image. Borax's assistant campaign manager, a brilliant
Jewish Negro from the Spanish-speaking section of Los Angeles, suggested a
format derived from the candidate's fame as a forward-passing quarterback in
college. He wanted foxholes dug some twenty-five yards apart and hand grenades
lobbed back and forth until one or the other of the disputants had been
satisfactorily exploded.
But everyone in that hotel room was aware that he sat under the august gaze of
History, and History demanded the traditional alternatives swords or pistols.
They had to face the fact that Borax was skillful with neither, while his [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl szamanka888.keep.pl
sales boomed, and P. Edward Pollyglow bought a small European nation which,
after evicting the inhabitants, he turned into an eighteen-hole golf course.
Congressman Borax, facing certain defeat, began to get hysterical. Gone was
the crinkly smile, gone the glow from that sweet, smooth-shaven face. He began
to make reckless charges. He charged corruption. He charged malfeasance, he
charged trea-son, murder, blackmail, piracy, simony, forgery, kidnapping,
barratry, attempted rape, mental cruelty, indecent exposure, and subornation
of perjury.
And one night, during a televised debate, he went too far.
Shepherd Leonidas Mibs had endured displacement as Leader of the Movement far
too long for a man of his temperament. He was the position at the rear of the
platform, at the bottom of the front page, as an alternative speaker to
Hellfire Henry. He burned with rebellion.
He tried to form a new secessionist group, Masculinists Anonymous. Members
would be vowed to strict celibacy and have nothing to do with women beyond the
indirect requirements of artificial insemination. Under the absolute rule of
Mibs as Grand Master, they would concentrate on the nationwide secret sabotage
of Mother's Day, the planting of time bombs in marriage license bureaus, and
sudden, night-time raids on sexually nonsegregated organizations such as the
P.T.A.
This dream might have radically altered future Masculinist history.
Unfortunately, one of Mibs's trusted lieutenants sold out to Dorselblad in
return for the cigar-stand concession at all national conventions. Old Shep
emerged white of lip from an interview with Hank the Tank. He passed the word,
and Masculinists Anonymous was dissolved.
But he continued to mutter, to wait. And during the next-to-last television
de-bate when Congressman Borax rose in desperate rebuttal to Clarissima
Strunt Shepherd Mibs at last came into his own.
The videotape recording of the historic debate was destroyed in the mad
Election Day riots two weeks later. It is therefore impossible at this late
date to reconstruct precisely what Borax replied to Mrs. Strunt's accusation
that he was the tool of "the Wall Street women and Park Avenue parlor
feminists."
All accounts agree that he began by shouting, "And your friends, Clarissima
Strunt, your friends are led by "
But what did he say next?
Did he say, as Mibs claimed," an ex-bankrupt, an ex-convict, and an
ex-homo-sexual"?
Did he say, as several newspapers reported," an ex-bankrupt, an ex-convict,
and an ex-heterosexual"?
Or did he say, as Borax himself insisted to his dying day, nothing more than
Page 14
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
" an ex-bankrupt, an ex-convict, and an ex-homo bestial"?
Whatever the precise wording, the first part of the charge indubitably
referred to P. Edward Pollyglow and the second to Henry Dorselblad. That left
the third epithet and Shepherd L. Mibs.
Newspapers from coast to coast carried the headline:
MIBS CLAIMS MORTAL INSULT
CHALLENGES BORAX TO DUEL
For a while, that is, for three or four editions, there was a sort of stunned
silence. America held its breath. Then:
DORSELBLAD DISPLEASED
URGES MIBS CALL IT OFF
And:
OLD PEP PLEADING WITH OLD SHEP
"DON'T DIRTY YOUR HANDS WITH HIM"
But:
MIBS IMMOVABLE
DEMANDS A DEATH
As well as:
CLARISSIMA STRUNT SAYS:
"THIS IS A MAN'S AFFAIR"
Meanwhile, from the other side, there was an uncertain, tentative approach to
the problem:
BORAX BARS DUEL
PROMISE TO MOTHER
This did not sit well with the new, duel-going public. There was another
approach:
CANDIDATE FOR CHIEF EXECUTIVE
CAN'T BREAK LAW, CLERGYMEN CRY
Since this too had little effect on the situation:
CONGRESSMAN OFFERS TO APOLOGIZE:
"DIDN'T SAY IT BUT WILL RETRACT"
Unfortunately:
SHEP CRIES "FOR SHAME!
BORAX MUST BATTLE ME
OR BEAR COWARD'S BRAND"
The candidate and his advisors, realizing there was no way out:
MIBS-BORAX DUEL SET FOR MONDAY
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP TO OFFICIATE
PRAY FOR ME, BORAX BEGS MOM:
YOUR DEAR BOY, ALIVE OR DEAD
Page 15
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
NOBEL PRIZE WINNER GETS NOD
AS BOUT'S ATTENDING SAWBONES
Borax and ten or twelve cigar-munching counselors locked themselves in a hotel
room and considered the matter from all possible angles. By this time, of
course, he and his staff only smoked cigars under conditions of the greatest
privacy. In public, they ate mints.
They had been given the choice of weapons, and a hard choice it was. The
Chicago Duel was dismissed as being essentially undignified and tending to
blur the Presi-dential image. Borax's assistant campaign manager, a brilliant
Jewish Negro from the Spanish-speaking section of Los Angeles, suggested a
format derived from the candidate's fame as a forward-passing quarterback in
college. He wanted foxholes dug some twenty-five yards apart and hand grenades
lobbed back and forth until one or the other of the disputants had been
satisfactorily exploded.
But everyone in that hotel room was aware that he sat under the august gaze of
History, and History demanded the traditional alternatives swords or pistols.
They had to face the fact that Borax was skillful with neither, while his [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]